I TOLD YOU SO

THE ABSURD TIMES

 

 

The dead guy

 

I told you so

By

Czar Donic

 

 

Before we get to before we get to, this just in, and I shit you not, TRUMP JUST SAID THAT EVEN IF THE CROWN PRINCE DID ORDER THE MURDER, THERE WILL BE NO CONSEQUENCES.

 

Also, he is going through with that stupid "pardon the turkey" bit for "Thanksgiving" (which originally was just a day off declared by Lincoln with thanks to the working families of the country and it had nothing to do with our fucking the Indians).

 

Also, he is withdrawing forces from the MeXican borders, thus allowing thousands of Mexican rapists into the country,  not just rapists, but mother rapers and father rapers (thank you Arlo and try to listen to Alice's Restaurant this thanksgiving -- things havn't changed much since then except we don't have the drive to combat the bullshit anymore.

 

Before we get to that, we have other things to think about before we are sent off on the yearly mass death scene on our decaying highways. 

 

Trump decided not to attend to veterans at the WWI memorial because of rain.  Yes, because it was raining out there and he was tired.  He also admitted that he does not visit troops in combat zones because he is afraid to do so.  He give new meaning to the term "Chicken Hawk," a term originally used, I think, to refer to Dick Cheney and the weird Secretary of Defense who authorized torture, Rumsfield, and meaning the war hawks who never served in the military but nevertheless claimed great patriotism.  Perhaps it is patriotic to refuse being drafted, but not because you "had other priorities" (Cheney's reason).  You oppose it because it is evil and wrong.  You face possible imprisonment if you can't manipulate the system to be out of the idiocy altogether, but you don't have "other priorities".

 

Now, veterans are being screwed out of their health and education bemefits and so on because of an IT "glitch" (a technical term for lazy fuckups).  Some of my ex-military friends tell me that Afghanistan is being called "Forgottenstan" by other vets.  They know me.  I helped treat them for PTSD.  They know where I stood and I know where they stood, but at least they had been there and knew what the hell had gone on.  Some told me things that I'm not supposed to know, but I assured them I knew about it already.  Just recently commercial TV is mentioning the millions of bombs we hit Laos with during Vietnam (one of the things I wasn't supposed to know about).  Thank you Henry Kissinger who at 99 or so still charges $5,000 and hour for advice.  Yeah, the guy who would pray in front of the fireplace under the pitcher of Lincoln at Nixon's bidding.

 

But I digress. 

 

Now we find out that Ivanka is doing the same damn thing that the chants of "LOCK HER UP" were directed at Hillary were about. 

 

Trump went out to California to Paradise, which he called Pleasure and Governor Jerry Brown had to correct him, but only on the send time he did it.  He said it could have been avoided if we raked the leave like the president of Finland said.  Finland was asked about this and said, essentially, "We don't know what the fuck he was talking about and neither does he".  Actually, obviously, it was about the logging industry.

 

Now some cabinet member (or like that) blamed it all on "radical environmentalists.

 

Honestly, the only sane person still standing in that chicken coop of a White House right now is called "Mad Dog" because of how he behaved as commander in Iraq.  Trump told him to assassinate a bunch of people in Syria and he said "OK," sir.  After hanging up, he turned to his staff and said "We are not doing anything like that."

 

 

I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO!!

BY

CZAR DONIC

 

These are the "new developments".  After we published the article below, the Saudis said that he actually walked out of the embassy alive.

 

No, then that he got into a fist fight with the clerk and died in battle.

 

Then they admitted that, yes, he was killed.  The all the details below were confirmed.  It seems like months ago that we told you so.

 

Now, it's clear that the CIA says that the Crown Prince ordered this assassination.  However, that the journalist was given a burial.  It seems more likely that the body parts were dissolved in a vat of acid.

 

Our retaliation is to reduce our refueling of bombers sent to Yemen to kill wonder and children, with special emphasis on wedding parties.

 

Ah, what friends we have in the family, the royal family.

 

We assume "new details" will continue to "emerge," so perhaps it is time to discuss this and let it go. 

 

First, let's learn how to pronounce this man's name:  Ka shoeg [alternatively "showg") she.  Networks, even in the U.S. have begun to get it relatively correct.  A major problem is caused by the transliteration which is strange and mysterious at the very least and has never been explained to our satisfaction, although not through lack of interest on our parts.  Similar problems exist in The Cyrillic and Greek alphabets, but this is beyond anything like that. 

 

The Prince, who runs things over there in Mohammed Bin Salamon, which people have taken to calling MBS for good reason.  So now, what happened?

 

Kashoggi (see what I mean?) was a columnist for the Washington Post.  He also seemed to be somewhat of a patriot and supported MSB in many things, including giving women the right to drive.  He seems to have written some things a bit too critical and, thus, he had to go.  He fled here in order to escape death.  He also wanted to marry a Turkish citizen.  In fact, that may have been his ultimate crime.

 

At any rate, he asked for the paperwork and the consulate in Washington, and they told him he would have to go to Turkey to get the papers.  He seemed to find this reasonable, although going along with it casts some doubts on his credulity.  At any rate, after he eventually entered the building in Turkey, he never left alive.  His fiancé waited outside and was given the name of two people to call if he never got out, and she called them. 

 

Just before he entered, 15 killers had arrived at the consulate.  Various accounts exist to explain the existence of the recordings to what happened to him while he was there, accounts including that he had an Apple watch to and then including that the Turks had the place bugged.  Whether or not there were cameras tucked away is still unexplained, but the Turks claim they have both audio and visual proof. 

 

According to accounts, the proceedings were quite vicious and cruel.  The regular functionnaire at the place did say "if you are going to do that, do it somewhere else.  I could get into trouble."

 

He was told it was best for him if he kept his mouth shut if he ever wanted to survive in Arabia. 

 

Accounts relayed to sources say that the killings were "brutal" and shook him, and this person was a veteran of torture sessions.  We do know that the journalist was strapped down on a table, injected with some sort of liquid, his fingernails and then fingers were separated for his body all the while he was screaming.  One of them, a forensic doctor, had a bone saw and he was cut up into pieces and, presumably, the pieces placed in bags.   The "blood curdling screams" lasted about seven minutes.  The bags were then disposed of somehow and the 15 returned by plane to Saudi Arabia without hours the same days.  In face, the fifteen were there only for a few hours.

 

Donald Trump explained the situation as caused by "rogue elements", although 15 well-coordinated rouges seem a bit convenient.  More and more explanations are developing.   Our Secretary of State visited with MBS and suggested we give them a few more days to investigate.

 

Meanwhile, the Turks did manage to gain access to the place after about two weeks and report smells of cleaning fluid and repainting.  They were not allowed to visit the residence.

 

Kashoggi's last column was printed just hours ago, and it warns about suppression of the press and suggests that some sort of Radio Free Europe is needed for the entire Arab world.  He limits this to since the quickly aborted "Arab Spring", although we know that the process continues under every despotic regime in the world and to some extent even here, although the suppression here is done more though economic means. 

 

Everyone not in Trump's world remembers Jefferson's words to the effect that if he needed to choose between a free press or a safe government, he would favor the press.  The press is unpopular everywhere.  We can remember Russia Nobel prize winners defecting here and being criticized, but mainly their comments went unheeded.  One of them pointed out that in "The Soviet Union" he works were sought out and devoured.  Here, there was so much junk and clutter that whatever he had to say went virtually unnoticed unless some government figure sought to criticize him with taunts such as "If you don't like it here, why don't you go back to wherever?"  Strange how many Americans were given the same treatment and still are.

 

At any rate, that's that. 

 

It may be worthwhile to point out that the penalty for murder in Saudi Arabia is death in public by sword, sometimes followed by crucifixion.   Death is also the penalty for espionage, homosexuality, and atheism (which makes any 19^th century German philosophic discussions rather risky.

 

We could go on, but we seem to have already done so.  Here is documentation as we know it:

 

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